The truth about him
Have you ever met someone for the first time and instantly felt weird towards him? The way his hand fits perfectly into yours when you shook hands that very moment actually felt right like never before. The way he smiled at you for the first time melted all your worries away. The way you two locked eyes that prime moment as if you were always connected with each other brought your heart racing into overlapping beats. Have you? Because I have.I never believed that someone could be possibly and entirely attracted to someone she has met the first time. I can only ignore the weird excitement of seeing him around and knowing him better once, twice or even thrice, but never losing count of the moments I have gone crazy whenever I am near his existence. I cannot figure out why it only took me a minute perhaps to decide that this man is something else, whereas I took months and months or maybe years, of knowing someone better and never felt something strange. Truly, he cannot be compared; I cannot have him compared to others, and it scares me. He scares me.
The mere possibility that he might just be around the same campus that I am breathing the same air that I am, thrills me and yet, scares me. His nearness to my body at certain chances gives me racing heartbeats over and over again, and it never falters. The occasional hugs drive my system even crazier. It always felt as if his body crushes the right emotions into mine. Everything felt as if nothing is wrong, that nothing could go wrong. At least, not after reconsidering.
Everything was wrong the first time I felt something else. I counted from ten to one and still missed the point all this time. He can't be mine. He won't be mine. Ever. I could have done something. I could have stopped things from happening so fast, because now I cannot. I have fallen so deep into a pit that I have brought myself into. I am already drowned deep in the bottom of the sea and I do not know how to be alive anymore. I must have forgotten my safety measures. I must have.
There is no one to blame but myself because you do not know anything, you could not have known anything. I was all calm with you around and no one noticed how freaked out and afraid I am inside, I hope.
Before I thought some love songs could go overrated with the lyrics and how insane an emotion could get, but now I get it. I never thought that something so wrong could feel right just because it is what you feel. Now, how do I climb out of the pit I have fallen into? How do I stop myself from mastering every part of you? How do I not get scared anymore and finally find my way to fight the feeling?
How do I reach the point of surrender of this declaration?
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