Let me in
There's this tiny beam in his eyes that few have noticed. A beam that radiates my soul in the inside even when he could only manage to look at me from the outside. It is always magical how a single, simple and probably a meaningless look to him could change a life, my life in this case.
With every moment that I spend with him and with every memory he leaves me with, I get to have a peek in the mysterious world of his. It is like I am always given a wonderful and exciting short-lived teaser. The shorter peek that I get to have, the more that I get anxious to see more, to witness more of his daily journey and struggles, to be involved more. With each passing second, I try to figure out how to get in his world, where a lot of people are. I keep wondering if with this growing number, I could still get a place in his full-packed life. Even with enough uncertainties laid down in front of me, I cannot be tamed with my overwhelming intention of getting into his world, into his life, into who he really is.
Sure, I know him by name, by the little things that he does, by his obvious likes and dislikes, but I keep wanting more. It started with that beam and it keeps growing into a sunshine. I want to see all the sides of him, including the ugly and beautiful parts of him. I would not want to omit anything, because I want to know him fully. I want to fill the curious pieces of him in my mind. I want to find out why people go to him and why more people chose to stay with him despite his obvious flaws. There must be an undeniable beauty in his flaws. This is something I want to witness, just like how I witnessed the little teasers of his life that he allowed me to see at different times, at gradual moments.
No, I am not refusing the little peeks he continuously offers me. I am not turning down the teasers he allows me to watch. But I want to see more, know more. With the beautiful and ugly parts altogether, right from day one, I know I will want more. It does not matter that he is not the perfect man I have first thought him to be. What matters more is that he shows to me the reality of him, of who he is, of how he is.
It is like I have been wanting to search for more and more reasons to stay. I am only on the outer core of his life, yet I want to stay as much as everyone did in his inner core after they have seen all of who he is.
I want to see the full sunshine of yours and not just those tiny beams in your eyes. I want to see you bloom with no regret, bloom with utmost passion, bloom with burning desire. I want to be there, in your inner core, if you happen to reach that point in your life. But I can only be your greatest audience if you would let me in your own perfect world. I know that it may not happen anytime soon, but I am hoping, and I will continue to hope
because one day, I know you will open the doors for me to see what you have been hiding inside of you for so long and see firsthand how entirely bright you are
and I know I will never regret for waiting for you for such a long time
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