You're back in my system
I have freed myself and I am okay-- or so I thought? Because I think I have not and I am not.I do not remember how long it was since I last saw you or should I say, I refused to count the days, the months I went around the campus and the halls trying to ignore you. I wanted to finally once and for all just stop because I am going nowhere, this is going nowhere. I am going in circles around you and never reaching anywhere. It scared me at first how strong my attraction for you was, but later on, what scared me more is the fact that I seem to just not get enough of you, but when you're around, I feel like hiding under the table.
I realized I needed to free myself from you and from my attraction to you because it's eating me alive slowly and I'm afraid I won't be able to stop anymore. I pretended I never saw you, that you were never around me, that you never said something, that you never did or said something funny, that I never melted when you smiled at me, that I never went giddy when you touch me, that I never care for you and that I never liked you. Yet you never noticed how hard it was for me to do all those because you never really cared, I never really mattered and that's exactly why I need to free myself.
I decided to let go of something that was never mine to keep, even if my feelings say otherwise. I tried to show you I care, but you never really noticed so I tried being cold instead and there, you had a better reason to ignore me. I guess that was it and thought to myself, all I need was space and time. I gave myself those and everything else I needed to forget. I thought I was successful enough to the point that even if he gives me that heart-melting smile all over again and smoldering stares, I would be fine. So I was brave enough to say that I am okay and free.
Apparently not, because I only saw you from a far and in fact you had your back against me and I couldn't even talk anymore and get back to my normal self. I was lost in a trance again and felt my entire system shut down for a moment. I could only see you moving away from me and I could only hear my heartbeat pounding loudly in my chest. Then the months of space and time didn't really help me at all. I only deprived myself of you. You were hidden deep down of me and once again came out at the moment I saw you again.
You are one of the most annoying people I've ever met, but what have you done to me? I couldn't look at you straight in the eye and tend to stare at you when you weren't looking. This is so crazy; I am so crazy about you. Now, I had to go back to square one because you have successfully penetrated my system again and I am afraid that this time, I won't be able to stop anymore.
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